About a year ago, my SweetPea and I had a glorious wedding for 300 people that cost under $5,000. "Impossible," you cry. Not at all. What we had was love and motivation. Financially, it was a ridiculous time for us to marry. Emotionally, it was perfect and even a bit imperative. Two important people in our lives had just died. My dad was nearing 93 and talking about dying. My mom has Alzheimer's and couldn't be counted on to be aware forever. So, we decided to marry. What did we do?
Decided what was important to us. Before we did any wedding planning, we talked about what we wanted from our relationship. These conversations would form the basis for our wedding vows. In addition, we talked about what would be important to us at our celebration. I design and perform ceremony; he's a professional musician; and we both are extremely public (ok, and dramatic and not-so-young) people. Guess where our emphases would lie! But a small wedding seemed inappropriate to who we are and how we live. If we were going to do it, we were going to have to do it big.
Decided how much we could realistically spend. We had a very small amount of cash available. Friends and family were wildly generous. What was most important was to find a space that could handle that many people, food, drinks and music - and of course a great ceremony!
Decided where we would follow tradition and where we would forge our own path. We used e-mail invitations and sewed hems in tablecloths.
Decided to invite our community's participation. If you're going to do this, you have to be able to organize, accept support and then let go. You can't ask for participation and then micro-manage. Doesn't work.
Decided to make this about acknowledging and celebrating all relationships. While our relationship was at the center of the day, the entire event was about all the different kinds of relationships present that day. Families, friends, chosen communities were lifted up that day.
Decided to celebrate the gifts of the community. We asked people to participate in ways that showed how fabulous they were.
Decided to make the wedding a weekend gathering rather than an event. People came from all over the world and hung out in one another's company for concerts and weddings and breakfasts.
Decided to create a foundation and ask for donations rather than gifts. Our friends' generosity was tax deductible and they got to contribute to something they believe in.
What happened?
The ceremony was meaningful to us and to our entire community.
Our relationship is supported and celebrated by a wide variety of friends. (There will be no divorce. You try and tell 300 people who invested in you that you're splitting!)
Our community(ies) met and mingled. Friendships were made across continents and across seas. Families and friends reconnected.
The rich talents of the community were revealed and embraced.
People's generosity was invited and accepted.
People participated in something bigger than they were and they invested in it because they cared about it, and they cared about it because they invested in it!
The ceremony not only joined our lives, it helped people reflect on Love and its transformative abilities.
We were reminded how greatly we are loved and how much our love for one another is celebrated.
We were married in the eyes of our community and, in our case, the Divine.
No one wants to celebrate our anniversary, they want a reunion!
Bottom Line?: Give your relationship the chance it deserves to succeed wildly, against all odds! After all, you deserve it. Your relationship deserves it! And now I'd like to invite you to sign up to receive 2 free templates for creating the wedding ceremony of your dreams, the wedding vows of your heart and the marriage of a lifetime: http://annkeelerevans.org/weddings/free
The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - helping you move from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after!
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