The goal of a wedding ceremony is to produce a lifelong marriage. Your wedding ceremony can set up the work you will do throughout your shared lives as you create your successful union. It can, if designed right, muster the support and encouragement that will make marriage easier. It will serve as an eternal reminder to celebrate the love that brought you together and convinced you to embark on this fabulous, uncertain endeavor.
Eloping may seem simpler. But it can rob the couple of both sentiment and support that is so necessary when obstacles arise. Keeping the focus on the reason you're marrying - your great romance - will help you simplify your planning and celebrate what's important with the people who matter in your life. Here are some things to remember as you work to create a wedding ceremony that is about you and your great love:
Ritual is "time outside of time" to focus on an important life transition. There is no multi-tasking during ritual, there is only an intense focus on this important movement from engaged to married. At the beginning of the ceremony, you are not married, at the end of the ceremony you are. You want to create a sacred time and place so that this important decision can be supported and celebrated. A good celebrant can help you here!
A wedding ceremony is not only about creating a legal entity, but rather a lifelong union of your hearts and lives. Keep the focus on entwining your hearts and lives. Here's an odd truth: whether or not you spend the rest of your life with this person, there will be tendrils around your heart forever. The things you do together will shape and strengthen you. Do the work to get it right. Then, let your party flow from the ceremony. It will make it even more joyous! Why is your relationship worth a lifetime?
A wedding ceremony is a time to take stock and look forward in your life. People just dash by this. This is one of the few opportunities you have in your life to say: "this is how I got here" to be followed by "this is where I want to go, and this is the person with whom I want to journey." When you create that ritual time to examine and celebrate, everyone stops to listen. Say the same things at dinner, people will be too busy concentrating on the next course to hear you. A public wedding ceremony is your opportunity to say to your entire community what is important to you and what you intend to do with the rest of your life.
Your wedding vows, the centerpiece of your wedding ceremony, are the heart of your marriage. You can use the old tried and true vows or copy something that's floating around on the web. Or you can take into account who you are to one another, what you value in your relationship, what your strengths are and where you might want some support, and how you want to spend the rest of your life with your beloved. Go ahead and create wedding vows that you want to spend the rest of your life living into!
The metaphors you create for your wedding ceremony can serve your lifelong marriage. Your wedding ceremony is an opportunity to create small ritual activities, ones that make sense in your life now and that you will want to carry on for the rest of your life. Create small rituals that you will repeat throughout your marriage. Repeating an action that occurred in a ritual moment will call back all of the emotions of that moment. What small action will remind you of when you said, "I'll love you forever" to your beloved?
Marriages do better when supported by a community. Your community wants to celebrate your marriage. Your perfect relationship deserves to be celebrated. Make a space in your wedding ceremony for your community to promise their support and celebration of your marriage. Who do you want to be there to support you?
A wedding as much about building your community as it is about creating your marriage. When else do you get to call together all the people you love in your life and introduce them to one another? The party can do a lot of that work, but the wedding ceremony is where you lay out the possibilities to the community you have gathered around you. What values are at the center of your community?
A simple 20-45 minute ceremony can do all these things! Five minutes isn't going to get you what you really need. Planning the wedding ceremony is fun and exciting because it is so intimately about you. Your wedding ceremony can yield a very high return on investment. The party will be fun. The marriage will be forever. Don't waste the opportunity to create a wedding ceremony that is worthy of your love and marriage.
Bottom Line?: Give your relationship the chance it deserves to succeed wildly, against all odds! After all, you deserve it. Your relationship deserves it! And now I'd like to invite you to sign up to receive 2 free templates for creating the wedding ceremony of your dreams, the wedding vows of your heart and the marriage of a lifetime: http://annkeelerevans.org/weddings/free
The Rev. Ann Keeler Evans - helping you move from "I do" to happily and healthily ever after!
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